THE PARADOX OF CONTROL

Nobody wants to sell out or become dependent. One intends to use the incentive judiciously, and receive the benefits, but not to harm one’s self, loved ones, or integrity. Nevertheless, despite the best of intentions, the consequence of repeatedly exposing a biological creature to immediate gratification is to create a trap from which escape is deceptively difficult. There are many ways to become dependent; here is one:

Our protagonist, Mr. H, throws away more money than he can afford on lottery tickets. After debating with himself for many months H decides to change his ways and vows he will never buy another lottery ticket. It is now a little after midnight three weeks later, and H has just pulled into a convenience store for gas. The clerks remarks, “This must be your lucky day, I was going to close up 5 minutes ago.” H interprets this an an omen of good fortune. Under these circumstances will he buy a ticket and break his vow? If he does, that means that his behavior was dependent upon local factors rather than on his commitment

Some Causes of Dependence

Whether the lottery ticket was a winner or a loser, Mr. H lost something by failing to adhere to this commitment. When he vowed abstinence he bet the seriousness he gives to future commitments that he will not break this one. By lapsing he lost that bet, and as a result he lost some respect for his word. Dependence is a consequence of losing this wager too often [see chapter 4.1].

An other channels through which the lapse promotes dependence: Each time H uses the incentive he strengthens the sequence of behaviors that leads to the incentive. With sufficient practice this sequence becomes the default path, and once it does it requires conscious effort to interrupt the sequence of behaviors that produce the incentive. From this point on, whenever the cognitive resources required to consciously direct behavior are compromised, H tends to follow this path of least resistance to incentive use [see chapter 2.3].

Dependence is often an iatrogenic condition [pathology caused by treatment efforts] in that it may result from misattributing the cause of the relapse to a characteristic of the self, which is not going to change. A popular misconception is that once you have made up your mind it is a trivial matter to act as intended, and anyone who fails to do so must be defective in some way. While the decision to change is indeed necessary, it is by no means sufficient. In fact, preventing relapse is much more difficult than most people realize, and failure is often the result of insufficient respect for the challenge. Repeated failures lead to the belief: “I am powerless [have a disease], so I need an external agent to resolve my problem for me.

Attribution

It is possible to have an intentional influence of the course of your life, but it requires a serious investment of time and attention. But because most people underestimate how formidable a challenge this is, they engage in shallow self-management attempts. To add insult to injury, everyone – the individual as well as friends and family – believes that it should be easy to quit this self-destructive behavior, and so the relapse that results from the shallow commitment is all the more demoralizing. The failure to prevent relapse is taken as evidence of an underlying disease or character defect. Hence the responsibility for good outcome must be delegated to a responsible treatment agent such as a program, doctor, or self-help group.

In the United States the vast majority of treatment programs for addictive disorders are based on the medical model or the 12-Step model of Alcoholics Anonymous. Both view the problem to be treated as a disease over which the individual has no control – other then complying with the treatment regimen. The person presenting for treatment is given the label, “patient,” and assumes the passive female role, while the agent of change, the treatment provider, is assigned the effective male role.

Outcome research has been unkind to this approach and the vast majority of graduates of such programs go on to relapse. Ironically, the treatment failure is taken as further confirmation of the individual’s incorrigibility, and need for greater reliance on external sources of control.

True, many individuals require externally imposed structure because of psychiatric or intellectual deficits that make it impossible for them to follow a self-directed path. For these individuals, medical and 12-Step treatment programs are the only reasonable alternatives. However, some individuals who have been caught in an addictive trap are best matched with a more self-directed course, and for them accepting responsibility produces better long-term outcome than accepting powerlessness.

Escape from Freedom

Don’t underestimate the attractiveness of abdicating responsibility. Many individuals who are capable of self-direction prefer dependence on an external agent. Following a path that is already laid out for you is easier than making up your own – especially for those who have lost faith in themselves. For such folks, conventional treatment programs can and do produce short-term behavior change, but rarely lead to freedom from dependence.

Responsibility without power can be frustrating. The fact is, we don’t have complete control over events, and have only limited control over outcomes. We often fail through no – or only partial – fault of our own. But the fact that we do not have complete control over the course of events cause some people jump to the opposite pole and accept the premise that they are powerless.

People who have lost faith in themselves are vulnerable to testimonials touting the effectiveness of one or another external source of control. Testimonials are easy to get, not because they are false, but because people demonstrate a remarkable ability to be influenced by an external source of control . . . for a while. As network marketers and Al Qaeda recruiters demonstrate, it is not that hard to motivate people to do amazing things, regardless of the validity of the motivation’s premise. But independence requires more than temporary compliance with externally imposed rules.

The downside of taking on the passive patient role shows up when program participants easily commit to procedures that are unlikely to work for them; publicly accept program rules and restrictions that privately they don’t expect to follow; or are motivated to rebel against the externally imposed rules.

The Buddha’s Secret

Still, it is tempting to believe that there is external salivation from the natural consequences of our actions, as well as from other forms of suffering. Being human, the Buddha spent years seeking the secret to understanding human suffering and how to escape it. His insight was simple, and can free you of an illusion that promotes dependence. And the secret is: There is no secret.

The irony of seeking treatment for dependence on an external source of control has probably not escaped the astute reader, and this kit is designed to enhance willpower rather than compliance. While developing the ability to act intentionally in real time is demanding, there is a payoff – the change is irreversible! Rather than wear off, willpower becomes more robust with time and exercise. Among your first task is to give up the comfortable illusions of childhood and accept responsibility for what you can control.

The discovery that Santa Claus is fiction is an early developmental milestone. Development continues throughout the lifespan, and a major milestone of adulthood, that not everyone achieves, is the passage from dependence on an external agency to self-direction.

Rather than accepting powerlessness and turning responsibility over to an external agent, the text and experiential invitations contained in this kit are designed to enhance your willpower. This approach is intended for those individuals who have the intellectual skills to follow the admittedly complex subject matter, and who also have a pragmatic and self-directed temperament. The fact that you have made it this far suggests that you have the requisite intellect; what remains to be demonstrated is the pragmatism and perseverance to see this challenge through to good long-term outcome.